I also applied for a job.

2/1/09 4:54 PM

Riding the Tube, doot de doo…


I’m on the Northern line now, riding it from Waterloo to Goodge Street, which is my stop. Goooooodge Street. Anyway. I think it’s a definite mark of my non-native-Londoness that I just adore the Tube. Most Londoners love to complain about it (but I’m sure they’d fight to protect it if someone tried to take it away). There are all kinds of Tube etiquette rules that aren’t posted anywhere, but which earn you black looks if you break them. One is eye contact. Under no circumstances should you make eye contact with another Tube-zombie. No smiling either. Under no circumstances does your bag get its own seat, and large bags and rucksacks shouldn’t even be brought onboard. Do not eat smelly food on the Tube. Do not indulge in loud conversations.

My stop!

2/1/09 9:56 PM

Anyway, yes, lots of Tube rules. However, there is one rule that is so important that it actually IS posted. Nevertheless, it still gets broken. I wish it was implemented all over the world, though.

When riding an escalator, you stand on the right side. You squish yourself against the railing, if need be. The left side is reserved for people who go running down (or up), and if you’re in their way, they will not hesitate to plow you down or shove you to the right. They will not say excuse me. You will be lucky if you get off with, “Get to the right, you bloody wanker!” That’s quite polite, by London left-running Tube-zombies.

Oh no, you stand on the right, and you get your luggage on the right-hand side, and if you manage to block up the left-hand side, you will be able to watch a line of left-running Tube-zombies build up behind you, one for every escalator step, and they will shoot laser-beam death glares into your skull.

If you are a very old person, you might be nudged aside instead of shoved. You will not be spared. If you are a very little kid, you will wonder why your parent or guardian has suddenly yanked you to the right. Very little kids could get trampled.

If you are a piece of luggage, your owner will be hated.

If you are a foreigner (and making it obvious by talking in a non-British language (American is the worst)), you get shoved aside.
American is the worst because the signs are posted, all down the escalator, “Stand on the right.” Americans can read English. A non-English-speaking foreigner can hypothetically be excused by not being able to read it, but Americans, for all our flaws, are assumed capable of reading the written word.

Do you know what? Sometimes I’m a left-running Tube zombie. I’ve never shoved anyone aside, but I have been known to say “Excuse me” quite rudely as I shove past people. I only swore once at someone for blocking me, and that was last fall.

They were a family of Americans, and first they blocked the escalator, then they managed to completely block off the exit onto the platform, debating whether or not this was the right platform, as I futilely bounced off their massive rucksacks, trying to get through because my train was RIGHT THERE. And it left, while they continued to completely fill the entire entrance to the platform!

Oh yes, I was not happy that day.

I seem to have recovered my manners, though, so I’m not too pushy. I do do my best, though, to not be a left-running Tube-zombie who doesn’t have the balls to shove someone aside and therefore adds to the blockage. How do I do that?

I make sure there’s a left-running Tube-zombie in front of me.

Oh, and one more thing about Tube escalators. If you are using the left-hand side, go fast. The only thing worse than someone not moving on it is someone who is moving, but at a snail’s pace, like the elderly lady in front of me today. Since she was walking down the escalator, she was on the correct side. However, she had to pause to rebalance at every step. I almost could have gone faster by standing on the right.

I love the Tube.

I also love the fact that the UK, for all its awesomeness, does NOT have the same freedoms we do in America. That actually makes it more awesome.

For example.

In America, we are free to mess ourselves up if we so choose. Seatbelts save lives. It’s a proven fact. However, forcing us to wear seatbelts when driving is a hotly-contested infringement upon our freedom of… whatever. To be free and seatbelt-less.

In the UK, they go, “Seatbelts save lives, so you’re gonna bloody well wear your seatbelt, OR ELSE.” Seriously. Even on buses and in taxis and stuff, the drivers go, “Dude, buckle up, or I lose my job…”

Screw freedom, the government says, we’re gonna make you do this for your own good. Kinda like eating your veggies.

Same with cigarettes. Here in the USA, we get a little box that says this might be bad for you, use at your own risk.

UK?

Oh yeah. That’s the size of the warning on a cigarette box. There are a variety of sayings. My favourite one, though, which is written in a box that size, so the font is huge, simply says, “SMOKING KILLS.”

You can still buy cigarettes if you want, but they’re gonna slap you in the face about the dangers.

Another awesome thing about the UK that I just realized today is their coinage. Their 2008 coins, to be exact.

Here, take a look. 

Top row: £2 coins. Notice the difference in designs on the backs.
Middle row: £1 coins, 50p, 10p (for those of you who don’t know, 100p = £1, same as our money, 100 pennies = $1)
Bottom row: 1p, 20p, 5p Notice the differences in the fronts.

They redesign their coins quite frequently, updating the image of Queen Elizabeth II on the front of all the coins, and tweaking the backs of the £1 and £2 coins. However, for 2008, they redesigned the backs of all the coins (except the £2). I’m trying to collect them all. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

Interesting bit of trivia: When I tried to take a photo from above, the flash would completely white-out the 1p coin, since it’s that shiny and new.

Anyway, it’s a bit of a puzzle! I think this is just so awesome. The £1 coin shows what the image is supposed to be—the British crest—and all the other coins have a bit of it on the back! I have 50p, 1p, and 2p so far, along with a £1. This is so much more fun than collecting the fifty states! I can put together a little picture with my money!